If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
