I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Come see our sink grown plant.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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