she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
