Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
