It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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