I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
