why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
