she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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