Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
