he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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