Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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