Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
