how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
