I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's the barista slut.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
