Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
