I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
