Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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