I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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