I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
