Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
