hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
