We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
