i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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