I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
