So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
