hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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