i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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