Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
