ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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