and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
