How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
