So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
