My nipple is on Facebook.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
