dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
