put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
