she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
