I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
