Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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