i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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