why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I came so hard my ears popped.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
