what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
