they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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