They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
