Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
