I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
