Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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