Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
