Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
