return my video game
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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