you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
