You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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