So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't deserve a penis
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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