I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
