Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
