he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Even my vagina gasped.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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