this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
