And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
