I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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