Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
