somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
