Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
