Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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