We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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