I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
