So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
