I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
