His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
