my mouth tastes like poor choices
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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