Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
