I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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