Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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