i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize