I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The uberlube is also flammable
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
