i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
