GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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