Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dick very happy bro
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
