this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
