dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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