You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
