No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she smelled like a LAN party
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
