we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
