so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
