Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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