I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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