I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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