And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
