this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
